Grief researchers (Holmes and Rahe, 1967) have studied grief cycle processes and assigned levels of stress to items. Loss of a husband or wife and loss of offspring are the highest stress levels. Others that we may not frequently think about are losses that occur with moving, changing school campuses, finance issues, and health matters.
We should never generalize about the grief cycle or expect everybody to process through stages of grief and loss in congruent ways. For example, loss of a spouse is rated the highest for causing stress, but consider it from different viewpoints. A spouse who dies from a sudden accident may lead to more of a loss than the spouse who has been battling illness for a long while
There is not any road map for grief, and each loss must be individually approached apart from any others. Couples may experience the same loss, but they may grieve very differenly differently. When one mate of a relationship fails to understand the grieving process of the other, marital issues can surface. Different grief and loss counseling techniques are typically used by therapists to be useful to the varying personalities of couples going through the grief cycle together.
Grief and loss counseling techniques for families and couples can often find a unifying strength in rituals. Rituals are such a very important part of our lives. We often take them for granted and fail to even realize that we have rituals, or recognize how they impact our lives. This is true also of rituals surrounding death. Every culture approaches death differently, and each family within those cultures often have its own way of experiencing death. We will be able to make statements and generalize to cultures and groups and how they cope with death and how they ritualistically process stages of grief and loss, but we know many divert from the common expectations.
An example of a ritualistic approach to addressing stages of grief and loss is the NAMES Project. The NAMES Project began as a a way to champion the life of every man, woman, and child who had died of AIDS. It served as a grief cycle ritual to foster healing, where the loved ones of the departed added squares to a quilt, each square representing an individual who had died.
Sources Used and Suggested Reading
Holmes and Rahe (August,1967). Social readjustment rating scale. Journal of Psychosomatic Research, 11 (2).
Walsh, F. And McGoldrick, M. (2004). Living beyond loss: Death in the family.W.W. Norton & Company: N.Y.
Dr. Judy DeTrude is licensed in Texas as a Professional Counselor (LPC) and a Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT) and is an Authorized Supervisor for each of the licenses. Offering therapy services at Achieve Balance in The Woodlands, Texas, here she addresses how the stages of grief and loss can vary from person to person, yet the utilization of ritual can be an effective tool in grief and loss counseling techniques.
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